Guruatma K Khalsa

healing from the inside out

How killer-hard I worked to belong to the hearing world

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i’ve been allowing myself to ‘fess up’ and admit just how killer-HARD i work to belong to the hearing world

 

here are the things on my list:

 

the phone is torture, even with CaptionCall software program on my computer – for goodness sake, besides personal calls, i’m working a business!! and there’s so many ‘conditions’ my hearing loss brings into the space

 

i hardly speak on the phone with my 7 brothers and sisters anymore 

 

i totally lost music- still seems like a punishment to me   

 

i don’t sing (and i have a beautiful voice that loved to sing)

 

when they turn on the music in our morning group yoga and meditation practice, i get up and leave

 

communication in my marriage is so stressful.  my  husband and i fight often because i don’t hear him and he has to repeat and repeat and ends up yelling at me and then i yell at him.  although we have been counseled on how to do it right, it just hasn’t worked out for us when it comes to real-life.  i can’t count how many times i’ve had to say to him, “fyi:  i’m still deaf”

 

many of my friends and associates forget i’m deaf; i think this is because i’m late-deafened and do a super job (because i’m busting my butt doing what i call ‘3-D Sudako’, putting it all together at neck-breaking speed) of hanging out with the hearing world, so they forget i’m deaf

 

i try not to do any more talking after 6pm – utterly exhausted although my ears can’t tell me that they are tired, but i feel it in my nervous system – the consequence of being at a rock concert all day (that’s how much amplification is going on in my head every waking hour of the day) and the need to save some hearing energy for my husband when he gets home and wants to tell me all about his day at the job 

 

eating out is so hard and i’ll only go with ONE PERSON who would be on my Comtek mic – and even that is hard

 

i’m staying away from any church meeting that i don’t HAVE TO BE THERE

 

there are other meetings that i’d like to go to, but i don’t

 

you know me, i’m a very social person but i’m avoiding activities, now

 

very challenging at work, meeting with my clients face to face but i do do well cuz i bust my butt to make it happen- but, once again, there’s a cost to my nervous system

 

many of my clients are via SKYPE and this is grueling – i have the skype screen up with the captel screen and all their words are BIG TIME jet-lagged, as you know and i just do my very best and in order to be totally accountable to my clients, i read the whole transcript after we meet to see if i missed anything.  LOTS MORE WORK!

 

i am so sad that all the movies have those captioned glasses now (no more captioned movies, not that there were that many to choose from before) because the glasses hurt my nose and it sure is NOT relaxing. so now, movies are out, too. i used to go to at least 2 movies/month when i had my hearing

 

i so miss the theatre – i grew up going to plays in Chicago.  for my high school graduation my parents sent me and my friends to HAIR, live on stage

 

i can’t “tune in” for yoga class because i can’t sing – so i made up my own way but it’s not pleasant to their or my ears (i’m so off tune), but it’s all i have to give so that’s what i do

 

having someone in the car with me is super-hard because of the noise of the tires competing with their voice, and i’m not facing them

 

sometimes i keep myself away from relationships with people that i really like but i can’t understand them

 

traveling is hard enough for me and with the hearing challenge, it’s exhausting, so i don’t travel much – hardly ever, only if someone in my family is dying or for the women’s yoga retreat

 

i miss my husband’s jokes and he’s mostly given up on tellin them which is very disappointing for him because that’s his style and how he was raised, and we miss out on that fun

 

Guruatma serves as a mentor for those who suffer from chronic or critical illness, as well as their family members. To inquire about or schedule a one-on-one session, click here:http://yogic-tools.com/services/contact-us/.

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