Guruatma K Khalsa

healing from the inside out

SELF awareness/considering my SELF – a 2007 journal entry

what i have observed and feel to be one of my greatest challenge is in the area of denial of mySELF

i know that, all too often, i make the choice to spend my energy being busy and determined to accomplish my never-ending lists and agendas for the day

since forever, and to this day, it is my TENDANCY to put off to the side doing what it takes to keep up a conscious relationship with my soul.  i allow myself to be distracted

that does not mean the desire is not there and i know in my heart it’s true that “you have only one friend, you and your discipline, the rest are all promises.” yb

i know that it serves me not to hide behind behaviors reflecting the ‘ghosts of your life ‘ which hang around and dictate the choices i make, keeping me away from living in my excellence

how many times have we been reminded to take care of ourselves so that we can serve others?  no flight leaves the ground before the stewardess demonstrates to the passengers that it is essential to put the mask on your own face, first, should the plane have troubles

i am completely aware of the deep pattern i parrot by generally living in some type of survival-mode which sabotages and takes priority over the energies required to HOLD to the disciplines that would deliver to me my birthright of happiness

i totally understand that any version of neglecting myself is directly proportional to the element of suffering in my life

..and, that would be all about how i regard myself

-it’s about a process of breaking free and re-surfacing from sub-conscious road blocks, consequences that arose out of abuse and loss of innocence in my past – the resulting denial and resistance no longer serves me

-it’s about having faith and remembering the abundance of care and protection that have been shown to me throughout my life process

-it’s about allowing that re-parenting and guidance in my life to ripen and prevail

-it’s about making a decision and trusting the infinite to provide whatever it would take, seen and unseen, to hold a focus and committment to a conscious and balanced life

-it’s about holding the intention that all the energy of self-deprecating patterns be re-directed toward nurturing my innocence and feeling my connection to my infinite soul which knows no limits – everything is energy!

-it’s about letting go of control, slowing down and deeply listening

-it’s about embracing and bowing to my essential Self from whence comes all direction, peace and love

-it’s about knowing the path that my soul has laid out for me and getting on with it

-and, it’s about blessing and releasing myself into the joy of living my highest purpose, that being my teachership-hood

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