Guruatma K Khalsa

healing from the inside out

living with chronic critical illness – where’s my gold medal?

here we are, in the midst of watching the athletes in the world olympics battling it out, breaking records, getting up and going on with it after ‘blowing it’ – keeping up in the face of supreme challenge

while i’m watching these events, i can’t help but thinking of who, today, is fighting to survive some great human challenge that requires strength and perseverance no less admirable than what it takes these athletes to endure and succeed

i wonder who is pushing through a contraction to deliver their baby

i am thinking of my friend who had major surgery to replace her hip, yesterday

who is cooking a meal for their family and picking their kids up from school, counting down the hours until their dr apt where they will hear their test results, their “diagnosis”

who is in the midst of the throws of a drug up-take or weening cycle, holding on and maybe not having support to remind them that all the bad feelings and lack of control are not about them – “It’s not me, it’s the drugs

i am  remembering how i often thought i should receive an academy award (no lie!) for ‘faking it to make it’ as my chronic/critical illness battle dragged out for yet another year

when i would manage to come up for air, i thought in my mind that i actually deserved to win the judge’s vote, be called up on a stage and given a medal or trophy (a bouquet of flowers would have sufficed) and, recognized for what it just took for me to get to that place, after living through what i figured to match the intensity, pain and insanity of fighting on the warfront in vietnam




Aug 1, 2012 12:00 PM

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